How to Start a Hedge Fund.

Financial regulatory reform engange your style? Just Do it with Darmawan Consulting’s step-by-step hedge plan!

If you’ve spent the last 5, 10, or 20 years enjoying the fruits of a blissfully unregulated financial system that created wealth for its adepts but nothing for the Yourself or Your Adrenaline!, then surely you’re steamed at the big regulatory overhaul that passed Overseas this summer. But there’s still something we can do: move over from the stringently monitored world of banking to the somewhat less monitored world of hedge funds. We spoke to an actual big-shot hedge-fund manager to pick up tips on how you too can start the rogue finance shop of your dreams.

Step 1: Create a hedge-fund team!

The bare essentials to get your new fund going: two junior analysts, a junior trader, and a chief financial officer. When you “spin off” from your current bank, it’s crucial to steal away some crack subordinates. A big selling point to potential investors is that you have a well-oiled, cohesive unit with a history of “crushing it.”

Actual big-shot hedge-fund manager’s tip: “Choose people who have a nose for ferreting out opportunities, but who are not willing to cut your guts out and try to replace you. You need junior-level people.”

Step 2. Name your fund!

Let’s face it: aggressive, testosterone-redolent names (e.g., Hungry Wolf Capital, Thor Hammer Fund, Tomahawk Capital Management) are as passé as Meatpacking District mega-restaurants and conspicuous luxury boxes at the stadium. Come off as attuned to the times with something gentle and/or arboreal (e.g., Sassafras Group, Bending Birch Asset Management, Larchwood Partners).

Actual big-shot hedge-fund manager’s tip: “The goal is to project sturdiness without rapaciousness. You don’t want to be Three-Headed-Dog-Guarding-the-Gates-of-Hades Capital. And you don’t want to use your own name. Typically, guys use streets and towns from their childhoods. Or a tree, to convey strength and deep roots.”

Step 3. Hire a law firm!

You’ll need a good firm to incorporate your fund—Offshore is better with local management company and a data center operational office, We can assist you in all these matters at Darmawan Consulting for less! just feel free to send us your humble request to darmawanconsulting@gmail.com  But beware of big, sprawling, white-shoe corporate law firms that overcharge. Instead, go with the specialists who do this thing all the time.

Actual big-shot hedge-fund manager’s tip: “The Coke and Pepsi of the business are Schulte, Roth & Zabel and Akin, Gump, Strauss, Hauer & Feld. Avoid the high-tone and really big firms. They are too expensive and they don’t know what they’re talking about with funds. They’re too busy billing Pfizer millions upon millions to file their 10-K forms or any others companies alike.”

Step 4. Get that anchor capital!

You need your first assets under management (A.U.M.) to get your fund off the ground. But you most likely don’t have deep pockets yourself, and that damned Madoff has discredited the formerly effective inscrutable-Zen-warrior passive-aggressive approach to investor solicitation. So your best bet is to find a “seeder” to put up the anchor capital. Warning: This can be excruciating.

Actual big-shot hedge-fund manager’s tip: “The nasty world of seed investing is one step up from human trafficking. They try to own a piece of you: ‘I’ll give you $25 million, but I own 40 percent of your company.’ It’s similar to the ‘pimp-and-ho’ model: they put the money into you, and you’ve gotta go work the street. One of the best seeders is a company called Reservoir.”

Step 5. Get a prime broker!

When you buy a stock, that transaction needs to be recorded somewhere. Your prime broker is like your custodian. It clears your trades for you. Walk around to Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, or Deutsche Bank—or maybe Bank of America. Again, we at Darmawan Consulting can arrange all these stuffs for you for a very Democratic Price!

Actual big-shot hedge-fund manager’s tip: “Probably Goldman is still the best. Remember: When you start, you’re walking upright but weighed down by the seeder, the prime broker, and your own team—they’ll all want equity, of course—and it’s a real slog. But once you’ve got your seed and your documents in order, you’re ready for business.”

Step 6. Check into your very own hedge-fund hotel!

Even though you’re going rogue, you still need a proper office to look respectable and legit. And guess what? The very same investment houses that serve as prime brokers almost invariably have unused office suites—“hedge-fund hotels”—that are just waiting to have their reception areas emblazoned with your fund’s logo.

Actual big-shot hedge-fund manager’s tip: “They might provide you with low-cost rent. There are lots of little hedge funds trying to make their start, and the brokers will agree to a month-to-month lease.” We are working with most of Serviced Business Center and we are able to find one that suits you well or just take a very competitive pricing module through a delicate negotiation with any Building management company.

Step 7. Hire a good P.R. person!

It’s a long road to your first billion. But when you get there, watch your back!

Actual big-shot hedge-fund manager’s tip: “When you have over a billion dollars at least, that’s when people start shooting at you. There’s so much Schadenfreude out there that you’ll need Schadenfreude-defense. But remember—that’s way down the line.”

Once you’ve successfully navigated all these steps, celebrate in pre-2008 style: build a  County house that eats up 90 percent of your lot’s footprint; marry that yoga instructor; or, best yet, exploit every campaign-finance loophole to underwrite a slate of candidates who will repeal the Obama-nomics overhaul bill of 2010.

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